i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
