Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
