don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
