I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
