I have demons in me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
