I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
