he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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