her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
