did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
