I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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