My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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