i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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