At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
