I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
