my phone needs a breathalizer
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
