He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
