u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
