her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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