Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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