A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can tuck mytits in my pants
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
