Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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