Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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