I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
