Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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