Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
