what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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