I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
