I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
