Yo dont text me then not text me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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