He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
