So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
