I'm so fucking centered right now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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