I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
