i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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