oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
