Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
should my penis look like a turkey
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
