nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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