I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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