The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
