did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
