take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A bitchslap is in order.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
