If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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