just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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