i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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