sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His hands were made for my vagina.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
