I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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