U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
