there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
