I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
