Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
