I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
