I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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