Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
