i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
