I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So vagazzling was a success
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
