Got a toothbrush?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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