she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
