it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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