I hope mine doesn't look like that
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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