i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
love makes seman taste better
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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