i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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