I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
