Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
